Tuesday, February 28, 2012

I'm Mad

I left later than usual for my evening run last night. Sometimes it’s hard to find that teeny little window after the husband gets home and babies are fed and dinner is ready--- but before we eat and before it gets too late because after it hits a certain time, I am a useless blob.

I extra needed that run. It was 46 degrees and just starting to spatter cold rain. I needed to feel that rain on my face as my feet repeatedly hit the ground. I needed to listen to the Pink song playing now as LOUDLY as it could get it…and run as hard as I could. As fast as I could. Pink does angry so good and I didn't realize until I started running but I had some angry in me too… I know-- the years are so short…but sometimes the days really are extra long…. And today felt that long...

I know that these long days are but a precious long term investment...but sometimes I just want to push the Easy button. And although I am grateful for the journey we are on.. the one intended for me- sometimes it’s hard to see Grey around other typical kids and see how much harder the days are for Grey, and if I’m being honest, for me too. I can have real conversations with little girls and boys his age. Awesome, astounding fun conversations…about what happened to the girl's hair in Tangled…About how crazy it is that my dogs can give high fives.

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I feel guilty saying....I...want...that.

Mad….such a nice emotion to acknowledge and then banish.

It's no good for you...Anger has physical side effects...headaches, sleeplessness, TMJ...In one study of almost 13,000 subjects, individuals with the highest levels of anger had twice the risk of coronary artery disease and three times the risk of heart attack as compared to the subjects with the lowest levels of anger. Some scientists think chronic anger may be more dangerous than smoking and obesity as a factor contributing to early death.

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I’m trying to teach Greyson to say, “I’m MAD!” with words…instead of screaming…It’s starting to click- He will let out his usual crazy-loud, face-turns-purple scream, throw himself on the ground and I will say to him, “Greyson- can you tell me, “I’m mad!”? And it’s like it's just that easy, he will stop screaming and he will say, “I’m mahhh”. He looks at me like, "Is that all I had to do. Thanks. That was much easier."

It’s times like that --that I want to be able to tell him, ‘See Dude- I don’t always get what you need the first or even the tenth time…but I won’t stop trying.”

The great thing about my run…I got it out. I ran and I cried…. I cried for what isn't...I cried for what could be...I cried for what should have been....and I didn't want those things in there...And so I ran harder, until my body felt more than my heart….and then the mad was gone. And afterwards, when it was over I remembered the good of the day...not the struggle.

Like this guy...Thanks to Teacher Paula, 2University (2U) brought some sure-fire fun ...

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This Elephant dude spits feather weight butterflys out of his trunk that can then be caught by a butterfly catcher held by your adorable little girl or guy (girl or guy not included)...

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The kids went ga-ga. I'll be on Amazon later tonight for that one for sure.



Today I looked for good, friend...and I found it in the form of...

PhotobucketThe UPS man that gave our dogs, Jack and Belle a treat when he dropped off our package.

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My MIA Us Weekly that was handed over the back fence by my nice neighbor that got it by mistake. And this fantastic Diet Pepsi my husband brought me home so I could have some energy for my run and my second shift of Momming.

Good in the form of Teacher Paula...and all teachers that do so much work during their free time....write lesson plans...grade papers....and so much more.

Good in the form of even more resources for Grey...like Speech Therapy with Teacher Amy at The Talk Team...

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She even stayed a few extra minutes with Grey so he could finish the game he was working on with her. It's funny...I had a friend having a rough day the other day, and she said to me, "Maybe Teacher Amy could help me...you always make her sound so magical." There's a reason for that, friend...She is.

Good in the form of a sweet text from a friend that I did a shoot with a couple of months back...she let me know that she was still getting joy from her pictures.

I'm going to look for good today again....I think you should too. I bet we will be amazed with what we find. Do you know what would be really really good? If you became a Member of Life with Greyson! Sign up over there on the right. If I could have 70 members by the end of the day that would be so good. (You can also find me on Facebook.)

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4 comments:

  1. loved reading this post. Thanks for the emotion, the resolve, and expressing it.

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    1. ohhhh, thank you DQ! And so eloquently put.

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  2. I just want you to know how glad I am that I get to be magic with Grey...it's worth every minute!

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    1. Thank you Teacher Amy. I missed seeing you tonight!

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